It has been heavy on my heart a lot lately that there are so many people out there that see adoption as something so completely different from having a child biologically. Yes, there are the obvious differences but it is so interesting how once you start comparing some realities of both paths of adding a child to your family, they really aren't that different. I often get some same questions/comments over and over again and I am seeing a pattern.
"wow, that is really expensive to adopt, wouldn't it be cheaper to have your own?"
"the adoption process is really long, why do you have to wait so long?"
"what if you get a child that ends up having medical problems?"
"what if you get a child with psychological problems?"
"you're going to adopt a girl right, since you already have a boy?"
Do you see a pattern? They all lean in a direction of what would be convenient for us. Which option would cost less, be quicker, and in some way assuming we would be guaranteed to have a healthy child. That last one always gets me. Maybe because we are overall healthy people, who have a "healthy" child it is assumed we would have another but in reality there is NEVER going to be that guarantee. No matter how much you can try to be perfect during pregnancy it does not guarantee you that your child will be free of a genetic syndrome, be free of cerebral palsy, autism, behavioral disorders, cancer, etc. I am thankful every day that my baby boy is healthy and I would like to think it is because I took my prenatals, ate well, nursed him for a year and took the best care of him I could possibly do BUT I know a lot of moms that did this same thing and have a child with a medical or behavioral problem so there is just no guarantee.
|My baby boy at 1 mth old (Dec 2008)|
Now, with all that said I know I will be getting the question..."So are you adopting a special needs child?" and no, we are not planning on adopting a "special needs" child at this point because of our work situations. However, we do know that there is a chance that the child we are blessed with may end up having some problems down the road just as any child may, biological or not and we know we will be able to handle whatever comes our way and we have no fear whatsoever about that. The funny thing about adoption is, you have more control over what child you will be given more so than when you have one biologically. When I was pregnant with Jalen I could decide what I did to impact my pregnancy but I had no control over genetics and what syndrome/illness/problem he may end up with, I had no control over if he would be born too early and end up having developmental disabilities, I had no control over how his birth would pan out and if something traumatic would have occurred and how that would have impacted his life, or how much in medical bills we would have due to this, or how this may impact my life physically...I had basically NO control over who my child would be and yet in the adoption world, if I wanted to, I could have control over the sex of my child, the age of my child, and the current health status of my child...hmmmm??? So why is it that so many see adoption as such a scary unknown and pregnancy is not?