It's A Boy!!!!!

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him.  ~1 Samuel 1:27

On Mother's Day 2010, we announced we were adopting from Ethiopia.  In August 2010 we officially submitted our application to our agency and began the paperwork stage. April 2011 we completed our dossier and after some revisions it was submitted to Ethiopia on July 6th, 2011.  February 9th, 2012 we received notice that wait times were increasing and we had some options to consider.  One of those options was to adopt older.  This was something we had always been open to but thought due to having a younger child in the home, we wouldn't be able to and would need to stay in younger than Jalen.  When we looked further into it we found out we could in fact adopt older if we were approved to, if our social worker approved and a few other things happened.  Our hearts were soon radically changed to become not just open to adopting older but excited to.  We were blessed to have 2 precious Ethiopian boys (aged 11 and 13), stay with us from His Little Feet and it was confirmed, we could not wait to adopt older children!  We started looking on the waiting child list and requested information about a child who was stated as 6-8 years old...

February 18th, 2012 we were given information on this child and for the past week all we have been doing is praying for God's direction in everything (I could write a book on all that occurred in the past week, all the devotional readings, scriptures, people we have talked with and praying all day and night, not to mention I didn't sleep through the night for the past week because apparently I was thinking while I was sleeping too).  It became very clear to both of us yesterday, February 26th, 2012 that this was our child and we let our case worker know right away.  

As of this morning, we have officially asked to move forward with our boy!!!

We can't give out too much information until we pass court and he is officially ours but what I can tell you is we believe he is turning 8 years old this year, is sweet, shy, a gentleman, and likes to play soccer.  We are blessed to know some other families in our agency who have met him while they traveled to meet their child and are learning more and more about him.  We cannot reveal his name so we will refer to him as "big brother" on here as he will be the big brother in the family :)   We are so excited but at the same time are guarding our hearts because with any adoption, especially international, there are no guarantees that he is ours until we pass court. 

So, what is the next step for us????  A few updates in paperwork, updated home study and some USCIS stuff, fundraising and awaiting a court date in which Jason and I will travel to Ethiopia for about 1 week to meet "big brother" and hopefully pass court right away.  This may not be for several months from now though so in the mean-time we could use prayers for patience.  We know everything has been in God's timing and has been perfect so far and we aren't worried that it won't continue to be but we still need reminding of this now and again. 

If you see us in person we can show you a picture of him but for now his name, photos and any identifying information cannot be posted anywhere.  We can't wait to meet him and can't wait to introduce him to all of our wonderful friends and family!  Thank you for all your prayers and support.

Adopting Older

The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.

Matthew 25:40

 

We are not adopting because we can’t have kids, because we have a boy and want a girl, because we think babies are cute and want one, we are adopting because it is in our hearts and there is no other way to explain it.  Children are a blessing from God and every child deserves a family to love them.  If you haven’t seen Depraved Indifference, please take a few minutes and watch it now, It expresses exactly why we are adopting better than I can put into words.

With that said, why does adopting an older child turn so many people off, so many Christians off?  They are children too and I have truly come to have a BIG change of heart from hoping for a child under 18 mths to really just hoping for the child God wants for our family and secretly praying for older.   There is something so special about an older child.  They know what is going on, they know their culture and it is so precious to have them share it with you, they just have so much to offer and I just pray that more people see this.  For our family, adoption is NOT going to be a one-time thing to say that we did it and move on, this will be ongoing for us and if is years from now that we adopt a girl or a younger child or if it never happens it truly doesn’t matter anymore.   I also want to say something about “birth order” and keeping with it when adopting…truthfully it is not even an issue in our minds anymore.  Reading blogs and articles about birth order lately, it has been brought to my attention that we focus on the birth order of the biological children in the home but not of the orphans.  What if a family has 2 children and adopts a child that was the oldest child in their family but is now the youngest or middle?  As long as that child is younger than the biological’s family’s youngest child does it really make everything easier for all?  The orphan is adjusting now to a new home, family, possibly country or state, a whole new life AND birth order.  Jalen is an only child and he really acts more like a “baby” than an “oldest” in my mind and I know he would adjust to either a young or older child being brought into our home but in my heart he needs some older siblings.

It is funny how God can change your heart so quickly to the point that when I hear anyone snicker at adopting an older child or hear the immediate negatives, it just makes me sick at heart and sick to my stomach.  I just wished they would really think about what they are saying.  What if you were a 12 year old who had lost your parents or couldn’t be cared for anymore, how would you feel if someone could so easily write you off because you are a few years older than what they wanted and thought was acceptable?  I’m just going to put this out there so you all know.  We are planning on adopting an older child now and we are beyond excited about it.  We don’t know who our child or children are yet but we know they will be older.  I am asking that if you don’t agree with it but love us, please just keep that to yourself.  If you truly would like to understand more about adopting older and have questions that we can answer, we are more than happy to share but let’s play by the rule of if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.  Believe me, you are not going to educate us any more than we already are on things we should consider about adopting older.  If you are new to the adoption world I can tell you, families have to have a lot of adoption education before they can pursue a child and we are very well prepared, probably more so than we were to become parents to Jalen.  There were no books read before he entered this world, no online and in person workshops were attended, just in the blink of an eye we were parents and he was here.  When he has his own problems, tantrums, issues, we deal with them in the best way we know how and will do the same for our future children.   I really hate that I have to say these things to people who are adults and often to those who are our friends but we get criticism like every adopting family does and after a while it just gets really old and becomes very hurtful.    I ask that you keep our family in your prayers as we have been on a emotional roller coaster lately but it is all good things and we are so looking forward to the day when we can introduce our child or children to you all, as soon as God reveals them to us.

Merry Christmas & Catching Up

Merry Christmas everyone!!!  

 Instead of writing a novel here about the past (almost) 3 months I am going to share in pictures with short updates.

In a couple weeks we will offically be 6 months in waiting for our child/ren.  There have been some set-backs in Ethiopia with some new rules for the biological parents but we are hanging tight that our child or children are in Ethiopia and we are just patiently (as best as we can) waiting.

So on to the catching up... October 29th we ran in the Chosen Marathon for Adoption in New Braunfels, TX.  We had 7 people total running for our team It's A Child's Life-O'Neal Family.  I am still not sure how much we were able to raise for our personal adoption and should be finding out soon but it was such a great experience for all who particpated.  I also am proud to say I ran it in under 2 hours and never stopped which was my goal.  Now Jason and I are both anxious to do another one and are contemplating doing a full at some point.

Jalen turned 3 years old on November 10th and we celebrated at Cornerstone Kids Ranch.  He had a wonderful time and is definitely a 3 year old now...funny as ever but oh the tantrums and fits that he never threw before came full swing within 2 weeks of turning 3.  It's getting better now but wow I was warned and I now understand.



Auntie Sarah and Jalen the ring bearer

 We traveled back to Arizona for my sister-in-laws wedding and for Thanksgiving.  We were there for a week and got to see many of our friends and family but of course it went by quickly and before we knew it we were back home in OK and out of vacation mode.

dancing his heart out

Since the first of December we have had every weekend backed with birthday and Christmas parties and now have my family in town until next week and we are enjoying every minute of it.  We are going to watch a movie today then go to our Christmas Eve service this evening and when Jalen goes to bed we have a few things to put together for him to find under the tree tomorrow.  Tomorrow after we have our Christmas here we will be heading up to help out at Davo's Diner, an event where we feed close to a thousand local families, given them each a bag filled with groceries, hand out coats and accessories to keep warm as needed and given each child a gift.  We also have a professional photographer that takes the families pictures and delivers them to them later on, Christmas music playing and a prayer room for each family to be prayed for as they need.  We did this last year and will be a tradition for our family as long as it is around.  This was all started by a little boy who goes to our church who wanted to help those in need at Christmas time!

decorating a gingerbread (barn) house

Jalen with his teachers he loves so much!  Miss Stevanna, Miss Morgan and Miss Cierra

decorating a picture frame at a friend's Christmas party

Jason and I at 80's prom...a.k.a The Heilaman's 30th birthday party

Well there you have it, somewhat caught up now on the past 2-3 mths.  We are looking forward to 2012 and praying that we will be given the gift of a child or children to bring home next year.  We are praying for all the families waiting on referrals, waiting for court dates, waiting for embassy dates, just waiting in general to make a bunch of children join forever families next year and have so many less orphans in this world! 
Many Blessings and Love!

3 Months Waiting

This week marks our 3rd month of being on our agency's wait list for our children.  Only God knows how much longer we will be waiting as there are so many unknowns that could make our wait shorter or longer than usual.  In the mean-time we are doing all that we can to continue to help children who are orphans and those who are just in need both in our community and in other countries and that gives me peace of mind and makes the wait for our babies seem to go by a little faster. 

 Last week Jason and I decided to sponsor a child in Uganda to be able to go to school and church, get medical help and eat 2 meals a day through
The Suubi Project.  In a time where we have cut back a lot of our spending and pretty much put any money we have left after our tithe, paying bills, groceries, gas, etc, to our adoption savings, I did hesitate for a split second about if this is something we should be doing considering we only have about 1/3 of what we need to fund our adoption but God definitely kept placing this need on my heart so we said YES!  There are pictures of all the children on the facbook page and this one little boy's face just kept drawing me to him but when I was asked to choose a child officially I didn't feel right picking him because maybe I was just drawn to him because he was one of the younger ones there, closer in age to my Jalen and just adorable as can be, so I wrote down all the names and cut them up and put them in a bowl and shook them around really good and had Jalen pick.  As soon as he gave me the piece of paper I opened it up and gasped a bit and told Jason I couldn't believe who he just picked, out of the 17 names in the bowl he picked Samuel age 4, that was the little boy I was so drawn to!  I am now just waiting to hear from the director to get officially signed up and started but I encourage you to check out The Suubi Project and pray for them.  They are doing great work and I am so excited we get to be a part of it!

Half Marathon Training.  Yes this is in full force and has been such an amazing experience.  I can't explain how different running for a cause is versus running for exercise.  4 years ago Jason and I started training for the Rock N Roll Half Marathon in Phoenix just because and I don't ever recall being so motivated to keep pushing on.  By the time I got to mile 8 my knees started acting up and every time after that if I ran any more than 2-3 miles my knees would make me suffer for quite some time so we easily stopped training and never completed our half.  Now 4 years later, my knees are just that much older and at times that much worse but training for this half has not bothered me or my joints and there is NO way I would give up.  This time I am running for my babies and for orphans all over and as much as those children have to deal with, it is a very small thing for me to do to run on behalf of them.  Yesterday I ran 10 miles (94 mins) and I truly know it is by the power of God that I can keep going and to be honest I feel like I could keep on going every time! 

We are able to raise money for our adoption through this race through donations that can be made to the
Bethesda Fund and are TAX DEDUCTIBLE!  Just be sure to put our name in the "special instructions":  It's A Child's Life-O'Neal Family.  So, if you know anyone needing to get a year end donation made, just putting it out there :)  Donations can be made HERE

We will have our orphan ministry, It's A Child's Life, there selling t-shirts and handing out information on adoption, foster care, mentorship and more to anyone who is there.  If you live in the area we would love to see you in New Braunfels, TX on October 29th.

Defeating Discouragement

Today's message at church was so right on track with so much of what I have experienced and heard others experience through adoption and just thought I would share because it was so encouraging to me!  I only wished I would have heard this a year and a half ago when we started announcing our decision to adopt, I think it would have helped me even more.

You can watch the series we are going through right now entitled "Change Your World in 52 Days: The Story of Nehemiah at  LifeChurch.TV  but the focus points today were based on the facts that "we don't face opposition because we are doing something wrong, we face it because we're doing something right." -Craig Groeschel 

Anytime you feel called to start something and take a leadership role you will encounter opposition in many different forms.  This may be verbally from others or in more tangible ways such as financial hurdles and unexpected happenings in life that will come right when you don't need them to.  This of course is so discouraging and makes us second guess what we are doing and if we were really in fact "called" to the action or not but it is important to know this is just all part of the process and we have to fight for our cause and remember God.  You are not here to answer to those who will criticize you but rather to answer to God who has called you.  Craig talked today about facing criticism everyday and how so many people think he doesn't deal with it, I imagine because he is SO good at what he does.  He has been a huge pioneer in many many ways, getting people that wouldn't ordinarily go to church  (like myself), to have various ways of going and being able to really learn who God is as well as learn how to apply what we learn from the Bible in our lives today.  He said he does face criticism and always has but he has learned that no one wants to be converted in any situation and to lead without being defensive.  Oh this is something I struggle with SO much when it comes to advocating for orphans!  It is so hard to not let my passion for orphans get the best of me and feel like I might go into a "preaching" moment when someone questions our adoption in a criticizing manner, I am trying though...pray for me :)

 Anyone that knows me, knows I am stubborn and I don't back down when it comes to what I believe in or what I am passionate about. Although I am this way, I still always second guess myself and do let critics get to me but the end result is almost always me sticking to my beliefs.  I do think back on "what if" we would have let what others said about us adopting (internationally at that), get to us to the point we didn't follow, where would we be today?  Or where wouldn't we be today?  Well, we wouldn't have a blog that we could share with all of our friends, family and others about adoption, we wouldn't have had a garage sale fundraiser in which most of our town saw (due to it being on main Street during a big festival) and heard our story, we wouldn't have started It's A Child's Life with 3 other orphan-loving families we got to know so well, we wouldn't have the many new friends we have made through our blog, adoption agency forum and through other get-togethers and most importantly if we would have listened to many critics and not followed through there would be 1-2 children out there that would be waiting even longer for a forever family because we wouldn't have been available.  I think about a year and a half ago when we decided to adopt we only knew of one other family in our area who had adopted internationally and we thought we were going to be the outcasts but we didn't care, we realized our church supported us, our life group supported us and those people we had met who we really treasured, supported us too.  Now I sit here and can think of 6-7 families off the top of my head who have decided to adopt since and many many more who have expressed interest in adopting or fostering and I think "what if", what if each of those families listened to their critics who would be affected the most?  The Children...and I don't know about you but I for sure am never going to let a "critic" determine the fate of a child's life no matter what the circumstance is.

Fundraising, Siblings and A Half Marathon

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.  ~Isaiah 1:17

It has been a while since we have done any major fundraising and to be honest it felt nice to take a break.  If you're adopting, you know fundraising can be so stressful yet joyful and really just full of so many emotions...mine are usually excitement for the event, followed by stress that I don't want to feel like we are asking everyone to drain their pockets, followed by worrying that the fundraiser will be a big flop and it will be lots of time and effort for nothing, followed by realizing even if it is for "nothing" financially we will have spread the word about adoption through it and then I come back to being excited for it again...a vicious cycle!

I just have to say with every fundraiser we have done thus far though, God has surpassed our expectations and as usual is almost always at the last second when we really need it.  I have to keep reminding myself of this because let me tell you it can really consume you.  Truly when I think back, it's not our fundraiser events so to speak, that have brought us closer to the financial milestones we have needed to meet, but rather donations from friends and family and even some strangers that have now become friends so to think about that I realize that our fundraising events have been more of a profit of knowledge to share with everyone around us.  Knowledge about adoption in general, about living conditions in Africa, and Ethiopia specifically, knowledge about the costs of adoption yet also about the resources that are there to help and knowledge on the fact that we are called by God to take care of orphans.

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.  ~James 1:27

 When I think about all of this and actually write it all down, this knowledge that we spread through the trials and tribulations that comes with an adoption and fundraising for it is worth so much more in the end  than any dollar amount we can raise.  We do know that God has been faithful to place people in our lives who have helped us get through this past year both emotionally and financially and I do find comfort in that when thinking about the next year (or maybe less) to come.

Now that we have changed our request to SIBLINGS (still makes me smile and get so excited!) from a single child, our adoption expenses has gone up of course.  It doesn't double in cost because much of the expense is on things like a home study, USCIS background checks, paperwork expenses and the biggest part, travel!  Since these are all things that will stay the same (minus one extra seat on a flight home one day) our estimated total adoption cost has went from $28,000-30,000 to $35,000-37,000 which means...you guessed it...more fundraising and more saving but we are ready for it! 

We have been training for a half marathon for the last month and are up to 6 miles now (7.1 more to go).  This half marathon isn't just any run but the Chosen Marathon for Adoption in which families and supporters can run and raise money for specific families adopting through ABBA Fund Organization and Bethesda Family Ministries.  We are running as part of our non-profit, It's A Child's Life, to promote it but also to raise money for our own adoption.  The great thing about this is that all donations are tax deductible as the donations go directly to Bethesda Family Ministries which will in turn donate to our adoption after the run is complete. 

If you would like to make a tax deductible donation to our adoption, you can Donate To Our Team Here.  Just make sure you put our team name in the "special instructions" box:  It's A Child's Life- Team O'Neal

and now I will leave you with a few recent photos taken at our county fair this weekend.  Jalen just loves being around other kids, it makes me so excited for him to have a brother and/or sister someday.

Jalen (almost 3), Kade (1 year old), and Peyton( almost 2)...2 of my co-worker's children

Peyton and Jalen walking hand in hand around the fair

Peyton and Jalen sharing a seat on a tractor tire

So much to say..

family picture in MI

Time flies in the summer and our summer has been filled with keeping busy beyond belief!  We made a road trip to Michigan to surprise my family for my cousin's graduation, spent a lot of time working on organizing a "need's closet" that supplies clothes to people in need as well as gathered many bags of clothes for children in foster care and just in great need, began training for a half marathon fundraiser (more about that later), made another road trip to TN to visit more of my family and now are home trying to get caught up on oh so many things!  Also there have been some exciting updates recently in our adoption and in other families within our agency...

Jalen loving the pool in TN

SIBLINGS????  In the last few months we have been entertaining the idea of switching our adoption request to accept siblings.  When we had our home study done we were approved for 2 and all of our paperwork says up to 2 children so we talked to our agency and asked how that would work and if we could do it with having our child being being under 3 years old right now.  It turns out if there are siblings that are adoptable, only one of them has to be younger than Jalen to maintain birth order but the other one can be older.  This is where we had to do a lot of praying and thinking and planning...not that one would be older, but how old do we say???  As much as my heart doesn't want to turn away any child no matter their age, gender, health, etc., I know we do also have to think about what would be best for that child as well as for Jalen and us, so for some reason 10 years old just seemed to keep coming to me.  We have prayed about it and that number didn't change so 10 it is.  I wrote a letter to our case worker stating we will accept siblings if available and although one would stay younger than Jalen, we are asking that the other one just be younger than 10.  This all seemed scary at first and when our case worker explained that they haven't had a huge history with sibling groups coming in I had a slight sense of relief that we are available but it might not happen but now it is the complete opposite...I truly am hoping that when we get that long awaited call one day for our "referral" of our child that it is actually a call saying they have 2 for us!!!

Now on that track of referrals, I wanted to give an update that has made my impatient self much more content.  After some time with mo referrals given and word of everything slowing down big time,  we have had movement!  In the last 2 weeks, Dillon (our adoption agency) has given 4 families their referrals for their children (all between the ages of 3-4 years old).  These families all had their dossier in Ethiopia in October so they waited exactly 10 months.  Now that may not seem like a lot of referrals to you but the Ethiopia program is smaller with Dillon than it is other agencies so after those referrals were given that leaves 11 families waiting for a referral and we are one of the 11 families!!!  Also exciting is that our agency is working hard to build more relationships with more orphanages in Ethiopia so that would mean more children will be available to be adopted.

Right now it is winter (rainy season) in Ethiopia and it is the law in Ethiopia to close the courts for 2 months which means for 2 months there are no court appointments and finalizations of adoptions will be slowed down.  The courts closed Friday, August 5, and we have been told they will remain closed through late September to early October, so even though many families may have their referrals, they will have to wait 8-12 weeks before given a court date to travel and meet their child.  Then after court they will return home and wait another estimated 8-12 weeks to be given an embassy date to travel back to bring their children home.  Please be praying for these families as it is so exciting to know who your child is, see his or her face but I can only imagine how hard it is to now know it may be 4 more months or more until they can be brought home.

So many people have been asking, how much longer we have so here it goes...our dossier was officially in Ethiopia July 2011 so by the current time-line we can estimate our referral given around May 2012, then our court date around June or July 2012 and bringing our child(ren) home around Aug 2012!  That would be exactly 2 years after submitting our first application and Jalen will be nearing 4 years old...it's a long wait but my heart is prepared for it and if by chance things start speeding up or something changes (for the best), I will just be that much more excited.

Next Post to come soon, our upcoming fundraiser...

http://www.marathonforadoption.com/